Nihil Novi
by The Night Hunter
Summary: A series of very politically incorrect shorts featuring mainly Poland&Hungary but don't worry the others will make an apperance too. Some of them will be comedic some more serious. If you get offended easily then better don't read it because I won't spare anything.
1. The resident troublemakers

Nihil Novi

 _Brussels, Belgium_

"For the last time Poland, take those migrants in or else!" Germany bellowed from his seat clearly agitated.

"Let me think about that...what about like no." The nation replied with rather bored sigh." I kinda wanna have normal Christmas without anti-truck concentrate blocks wrapped up like presents."

A rounds of mumble went throughout the nations as two clashed. Almost every EU meeting looked like that. For last two years the two blondes bashed heads.

Germany went at Poland over migrants quotas the latter taunted the former and flat out refused to budge.

"Come on my dear Poland, you have to have some sort of solitary with us." France spoke resting his head on his hands.

"Will you just knock it off? How many times we have to go over it?" Hungary interjected." We won't take them in period."

Behind her Czech Republic and Slovakia nodded shyly.

"We told you from the beginning that it was madness yet you refused to listen and invited them in without consent from any of us." Poland pointed his finger at Germany." Now you force everyone to share the burden of your bad choices...as usual" he added under his breath.

"The multiculturalism is our source of strength! It enricher out culture!" Germany slammed his fist in the table.

"Yeah just like it enriched my truck driver at Berlin's Christmas market last year." Poland bit back." Just look what it did to Captain Sweden! You want to end like that!?"

He pointed at the man that used to be home of ancient Vikings and at one point was main power in the north. Now he looked like a full-time drag Queen with full make up and dressed in slutty woman's clothing.

"Hey! That's offensive!" Sweden protested." You can't say things like that! Everyone HAS to get along and your backwards thinking is only going to ruin our perfect multicultural world!"

He stated with fanaticism in his eyes.

"Guys guys maybe we will tone it down a bit..." Italy said meekly trying to keep the thing from escalating.

Tense silence fell on the gathered as they glared at each other.

On the one side was Germany, France, Belgium and Sweden and on the other the Visegrad nations.

"You're dividing the EU Feliks." Germany stated." You refuse any kind of compromise."

"Compromise?! You call forcing slightly bit less migrants on me compromise? We at the least help the locals in Syria so they don't migrate and we're making a change there! While you just take all those young, fit , angry men in! I ask where are the women and children?! They make less than 15% of all migrants coming in! You're letting an army of invaders inside Europe!"

"That's enough! You a racist and an Islamophobe! You don't want them because they're Muslims"

"Wow he's a bright one." Hungary snaked." They seem to really appreciate all the kindness you have given them, tell me what's in store for Cologne's women this year?"

"Not all of them are bad Hungary." France told them." They had...traumatic experiences..."

The brown haired girl rolled her eyes.

"Look it seems like this is going to turn into your usual shouting match so how about we call it a day?" Austria finally spoke."We have enough problems as it is."

"I like tottaly support that idea." Poland gave Austria thumbs up while standing up." I still has a lot of work so I kind of don't have time to waste!"

"Wanna grab something to bite Felek?" Hungary asked.

"You read my mind!" He grabbed her hand and almost sprinted out of the room.

"You will have to chose sides one day Roderich." Ludwing told him.

"I already did, it's my on side." The other man glared at him." Don't even start me at how much problems you caused me." Then he promptly left leaving Germany trembling in anger.

"It seems that Poland and Hungary's rebellious attitude is spreading my friend" France sighed as he looked at the nations leaving the room.

"It doesn't matter one way or another we're going to put things into motion. It's just a momentary seat-back." The tall blonde folded his arms.

"That stuff with your government too?" Italy asked with goofy smile.

"MOMENTARY SEAT BACK!"

* * *

Restaurant

"...and you should see his face when I told him that I will sue him for war reparations!" The young Pole exclaimed causing Eliza go into fit of giggles.

"Felek you know that Ludwig is having a hard time right now." She wipe stray tear." No need to torment him any more."

"Nah he still owes me like bazilions zlotys." Poland gesticulated widely." I just need to find some pape-" He paused in mid sentence as he noticed Lithuania and other Baltic states enter.

Felix and Toris eyes met yet one could search for any warmth there for whole day and come out with nothing.

While not openly hostile any semblance of friendship was gone.

"Are you ok Felek?" Hungary asked noticing Lithuanian too.

"Yeah I'm totally fine!" He quickly put his usual grin on his face but Hungary knew better. He missed his friend but he also realised that they would never return to how it was. Too much bad blood over the years.

What worried her more was that he was growing colder and colder towards his former brother every year.

"But guess what!? The three seas initiative is progressing!" Felix exclaimed drawing the attention of everyone else.

"Really?! I mean we had such a great time in Warsaw but I didn't knew that the things were going so well."

"I'm in constant contact with Croatia and maybe I say maybe I'll convince her to let Serbia join in,"

"yeah good luck with that!" Hungary laughed.

"Hey I managed to convince you to let Romania in"

The look on girl's face turned sour quickly.

"Don't remind me...that asshole." She mumbled angrily."So what do you plan to do if it work out? Maybe another Commonwealth?"

"Nah." He waved his hand." Seeing what happened to the last one I'll pass, guess if it works out I'll chill for a bit and work my economy more and maybe piss Ludwig a bit more for turning EU into new Soviet Union."

"Funny how we always end up being the trouble makers no matter where we go eh Felek?"

"Nihil Novi my dear Nihil Novi."

* * *

A/N

That's it for first episode. I will post an update from time time to and adress some recent events as well as ones in the past.

Like I said in summary it will be very anti-PC and that's just a start, you've been warned.

Next chapter:

Why you don't comfort a lonely woman by offering her a shoulder to cry and few drinks


	2. What I've done!

Hungary's home

Eliza hummed happily as she polished a frying pan signed France when suddenly her mobile rang.

" _I wanna see my Orban my Orban"_

She picked up her mobile seeing that it was France.

"Well look at the coincidence...hello?"

"H-hey Hungary, look I'll be quick it's about Poland..." The man wasted no time, he still felt that hit he got all those years ago.

"What's wrong? He painted Ivan's house pink again?!" She almost shouted. She had to patch the poor blonde after that but Poland till this day was saying that it was totally worth it.

"Noooo he just sits in a bar and literally drowns himself in vodka...for fourth day in a row if Ludwig's info is correct."

"Give me the address I'll be there in few hours." Hungary sighed wondering what kind of drama Poland got himself into this time…

After few hours Hungary reached the place which turned out to be bar...in Switzerland for some reason…

When she got inside she saw quite peculiar view.

UK, France, Germany, Italy, Lithuania and even Russia were sitting a the table all dressed in long coats, sun glasses and hats. Right next to them was the table where she presumed Poland was sitting.

She couldn't exactly tell because there was a literal mountain of various empty bottles there and only quiet sobs indicated that something alive was there despite the fact that that much alcohol should kill everything in sight.

Before going to Poland she decided to go where the guys were.

"Ok before I start what is HE doing here?" She pointed at Russia.

"I just wanted to see the Misery of Polsza," The tall man chuckled his creepy laugh." I also brought Toris here since he did not want to help his best friend hohoho." He merciless mocked them.

"That aside you got anything from him?"

"No we tried everything, pasta, beer and even poetry!" Italy lamented.

"And sorcery but it seems that he became immune due to the amount of alcohol he drank." England rubbed his chin.

Hungary sent the large eye-brow nation a heavy glare.

"Let me show you how it's done..." She walked to the mountain of bottles and in one swift move threw them off the table startling everyone in the room. The staff quickly protested but one harsh glare later they humbly began to clean the floor.

Poland looked like he went though WWII again. He was ghastly pale with sunken eyes and...bruises on his neck?

"Felix is everything alright?" She asked slowly. He looked up with his drunken eyes, light of recognition lighting there.

"Eli...I've done it this time..." He choked taking another shot of vodka." The history of Poland ends here Kurwa!" He slurred with fresh tears coming out of his eyes.

"Felix what happened?" She sat next to him putting her hand on his shoulder.

"I made a mistake...monumental one..." He gulped pouring himself another shot of vodka with trembling hands.

"What happened?" Italy asked tenderly. Somehow all of them were now sitting with them.

"It's all that dick Ivan fault!" Poland cried missing the kolkolkolkol coming from larger man. Germany stopped him. Otherwise they wouldn't get the story if the two would start to fight now.

"I was walking a fine day when I..."

* * *

Flashback 4 days ago…

Poland was walking happily along the beautiful bank of the Bug river(border river between Poland and Belarus)

He really loved the wild tranquil feel of the place. He came here often during summer holidays to get a breath of fresh air and a bit of a rest from ever in motion city of Warsaw.

The sun was shining brightly and nothing would be able to destroy that day. That was when he noticed a girl sitting on the opposite side of the river with her arms around her knees and head hung down.

But that wasn't just any girl but the personification oh his neighbor in person.

Belarus.

'She looks like she's totally sad..." Poland thought. "No one should be sad on such day as today! I'll cheer cheer up!" If he only knew the consequences of his decision he would probably turn back and ran as fast as possible, but that small voice in Poland's head that told him to cautious was usually ignored.

This time it was no different.

Since he knew the area like a back of his hand Poland knew that there was small crossing in the area so he decided to cross the river there.

On his way he waved to the patrol of border guards that patrolled the area. Taking off his shoes and rolling up his pants the walked through the river hoping that he wouldn't get in trouble with Belarusian border guards.

But it seemed that lady luck was on his side today. He backtracked a bit and found the girl in the exact same spot.

"Hey Natalia!" He exclaimed from safe distance, just in case he would have to make run for it. The girl jumped startled out of her mind pulling out her knife looking widely around.

When her gaze landed on Felix his suspicions proved true.

One she was crying, two she was angry, three the voice in his head was right as she approached him with scowl on her face.

"Wow! Like totally wait a moment! I don't mean harm!" Poland shouted taking a step back." I just saw you crying and I wanted to make sure if you're ok!"

Natalia paused wiping her nose looking at him warily.

"Why do you care!?" She barked with slightly breaking voice.

"Well you're my neighbor and I don't like seeing girls sad in general but especially on like totally beautiful day so I thought that maybe I would come over and check if you needed something." he said quickly relaxing as she lowered her knife and dropped her scowl.

"I'm fine leave!" She mumbled.

"Come on Natalia I see that you're not..." He decided to come bit closer." Tell me what happened I'm sure you will feel better if you get it off your chest."

The girl hesitated for a bit. On the one hand her and Poland weren't that close but the blonde never treated her badly and at some point she used to be a part of his Commonwealth, which weren't bad times.

"Ok but if you tell anyone I'll make sure that no one will ever find your body." She told him while sitting

"S-Sure like totally clear mouth shut." he sat next to her but he kept a distance that would allow him to run in case of danger.

Belarus sighed deeply wrapping her arms around her knees.

"It's about my brother Ivan...I thought that after our military maneuvers he would finally became one with me...after all I allowed him to bring fifty thousands soldiers over and told everyone that it was only five thousands." She sniffed.

'The things you learn every day...' Poland thought dryly as the girl confirmed his suspicions.

"But he told me that he did not want me! That I'm not worthy being with him and that my only real value was a buffer zone between him and the west and basically be happy that he even kept me around!" She began sobbing again." He told me that I was only a burden to him since he's selling me gas and oil under the price..."

Felix was looking at her with wide eyes.

He knew Ivan was a dick. Like a gigantic, overgrown dick and there was no question about it. It was like he was 1% nation and 99% dick…

Outside the flashback zone. France, Germany and UK were holding Russia down as the man tried to reach Poland's head with his pipe as the drunk nation kept insulting him…

"Don't listen to him Natalia, he's just a dick." Poland told her gently." You're so much more that what he says you are!"

"Really?"

"Yeah like totally! I mean you're smart and resourceful to be able to survive between Russia and us. You have beautiful landscapes and so much to offer when it comes to your culture. Also your people are so nice and hardworking! You have noting to be ashamed of!" He said with passion giving her an honest grin.

"Oh Felix!" In one lunge Belarus jumped on him catching him off guard and wrapped her arms around his neck hugging him tightly. He managed to hold the girlish scream in as he realized that he wasn't in danger. Not wanting to be rude he wrapped his arms around her and patter her back. " Thank you!"

"Always Natalia." He replied feeling happy that he lifted her spirits. With slight effort he broke the hug and stood up." Since you're feeling all better I'll be taking my leave!"

"Already?" She asked somewhat sadly.

"Well I promised my people that I'll celebrate _Noc Kupały_ with them…" Poland told her.

"Seems like fun..." She replied looking at the ground with slight blush.

Now the voice was screaming at Poland to get out of here ASAP.

"Hey maybe you would like to come too? I mean if you don't have anything other to do?"

"Yeah...I think I'll maybe drop by for few hours you know to lift the mood..." She offered him a small smile.

"Like totally awesome!"

The duo went to back to the Polish side and moved to the small town that was already in the middle of the celebration of this old Slavic holiday. Not wasting any time the duo dived in the celebrations enjoying the variety of food and drinks. The party lasted till late nigh hours.

At one point Natalia suggested that she was tired and that they probably should move somewhere more ,,quiet"

Having a winning stroke of ignoring his internal warnings he decided to invite her to his summer house he owned nearby. It was rather simple one floor high wooden construction. But Poland being Poland deiced to make it as cozy as possible so aside from huge fireplace in the corner of the living room there was a large fluffy sofa with gigantic pillows on.

"Make yourself at home Natalia." Poland slurred from the mouth of alcohol.

"I **hic** will." Belarus replied taking off her shoes that almost caused her to fall. She was a proud Slavic woman and she would rather drown herself than allow to be out drunk so she kept at Felix pace all the time which resulted in her current state.

She managed to reach the sofa and fell on it enveloped by the softness. Not long after she felt that someone sat next to her.

Felix with drunken smile handed her another drink. She took it with smile and somehow managed to change her position to sit. She moved closer so their arms touched. Noticing at the men did not protest she chugged down the drink he made and in one bold move brought her leg over this thighs and sat on them facing him.

Before the surprised nation managed to register what was happening Natalia cupped his face kissing him deeply.

That sobered Felix almost instantly, well almost. His eyes widened and he almost dropped his drink. Managing to place it safely on the small table he wondered what do to.

'I should stop it she's drunk I'm drunk-' a moan interrupted him as Natalia leaned closer as Felix's hands grabbed her rear." Goddamn it! I say stop!"

He squeezed tighter.

'Kurwa, oh well it's like too late for me already...' He deepeded the kiss moving his hands under her skirt-

WHAM!

Flashback end

* * *

WHAM!

"Owwwww! Poland cried as Hungary slapped the back of the head of therambling nation. The girl was beef red with look of utter disbelief on her face.

"Say no more!"

"But it was just getting good!" France protested.

"Si! It was so romantic!" Italy supported him.

"I need to text my brother about it!" Ludwing pulled his mobile." So I recon you slept with her?"

"I did!" He slammed his forehead at the table." Holly hell I did! I DOOMED!"

"Come on mon cher it's not that bad." France patted his arms.

"Yeah? Then check that!" He handed him his mobile. On the screen there was 666 missed calls and even more text messages that as France read through them make his skin crawl.

"...Or not"

"So that's why you're in Switzerland?" Germany asked but was interrupted by Ivan's sudden outburst of mad laughter. Last time he heard it was when Russia bombed the hell out of Berlin with his Katyusha's.

"I AM FREE!" He shouted at top of his lungs doing victory dance."Waiter! Let me pay all the bills of this gentlemen!" He pulled his golden Gazprom credit card." So Polsza what do you want as a present for wedding? Cheap gas and oil? Unlimited transport permits? Few nukes?"

"I'M NOT GOING TO MARRY HER!" Poland shakily stood.

"So you're going to say no to her Polsza?" A cruel grin appeared on Russia's face. Felix started to shake but not from Russia but the prospect of rejecting Natalia…

"I'm like totally DOOMED!" He sat back and started to cry again.

"I can't believe it..." Toris for the first time spoke drawing everyone's attention." How could you do that Poland!?" He spat." You knew how much she meant to me yet you slept with her!"

"I told you it was an accident!"

"You grabbed her ass!"

"I was drunk!"

"You always have some lame excuse for everything!" Toris exclaimed." That's why I can't stand you anymore!"

After this shout a silence fell on the bar as everyone watched the tense exchange between the nations. Hungary hide her open mouth behind her hand while Russia was leering in pure joy. The rest was simply too stunned to speak.

Everyone knew that the relationship between the two has been tense in last century but to hear this so openly was a shocker.

Poland's dull green eyes suddenly got sharper, way more sharper than a man in five day long drinking marathon should have.

"Then why did you come here?" Poland spoke in somber voice." If you can't stand me then leave and stop wasting everyone's time"

"After what you did!?"

"And I did what exactly? Slept with your girlfriend? Oh wait she's not your GF because you don't even have balls too do anything other than few awkward conversations, call it as you like but at the least I not af- so afraid to talk to her."

Toris looked like he was about to explode at this time. Hungary not being able to see two former friends at each other throats stepped between them.

"Everyone calm down, before someone do something he will regret later." Toris glared daggers and her and turning on his heel leaving the bar.

"Well wasn't expecting that..." UK mumbled.

"Ok I totally need some rest." Poland sighed. "I'm going home."

"I'll call taxi and put you into right plane knowing you you would end up in China. See you around guys." Hungary wrapped her arms around Felix's arm and lead him out of the bar trying to keep him from stumbling.

"Excuse me here's the bill." the very intimidated waiter came handling Russia the bill. Grin fell from Ivan's face as he looked at the sum.

" Oooooo сука what did he take!?" The man growled. Ludwig peaked over his should to see how much it was.

"You could buy a Mercedes with that." He whistled.

Ivan paid while grumbling but he was still in good mood. He was now free from Belarus madness.

Well to make his mood better maybe he would pay Ukraine a visit and see how she was doing…

* * *

Airport.

Both countries were waiting at the flight hall for their planes one for Warsaw and one for Budapest.

They sat in silence since Poland was way to grumpy to speak. The Belarus situation did not get any better, he got in fight in Toris and five day late hangover was coming.

Hungary were giving him worried glances every few minutes.

"Felek...can you tell me one thing?" She suddenly spoke.

"Hmmm?"

"Did what you did with Natalia, it was purely a result of you being drunk? You don't actually have a feelings for her?" Felix looked at her for few second in silence.

" Look it was a mistake I got drunk she got drunk it happened, she's not a bad person..." He paused." she's just in a bad spot between Ivan and us and nobody really wants her for who she is but I don't have any deeper feeling for her...I guess I have to go to apologize to her for that."

"It's good that you're so mature about that." Hungary replied realizing that she was holding her breath." Oh that's my plane! See you around!"

She quickly moved leaving him behind.

There was one thing that bugged her. Why was she so relieved knowing that Felix did not love Belarus?

* * *

A/N

Well as you all see that's not over yet. Will Poland survive this peril? Or will he become one with Belarus in more ways than one?

Next chapter: A meeting Between Germany, France and Italy...


End file.
